One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Randomize
