This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
