It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
