Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
