It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
