And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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