After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
