1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
