Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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