I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
