if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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