if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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