Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
