He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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