And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
