but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
