remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
