My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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