apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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