remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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