Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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