I wish I could teleport
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
