Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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