I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
