Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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