I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
