The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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