If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
