Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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