If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
NoShamevember. You game?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
