Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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