you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
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