I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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