I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
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someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
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We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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