no. you can't hotbox the world.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Randomize
