just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
