Will you blow on my dice?
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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