How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
