also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
