I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize