just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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