You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
