Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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