every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
