this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize