I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
