She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
