Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
