You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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