She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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