just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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