I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
