I cockslap morals
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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