I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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