no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
