I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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