I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
