Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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