mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
well you can't waste a boner
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
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