yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
