she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
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