I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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