I'd wear matching sweaters with you
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
