Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
