The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
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Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
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Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
How does it feel to date your dad?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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