about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
