Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
