you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
